Wednesday, June 17, 2015

10 Players on Your Team Roster...

 

 

#1 — The Official Awesome Clothes and Equipment Guy


You don’t know exactly what his salary is, but it’s apparently more than yours. Or, if he does make what you make, he is spending 90-percent of his income on tennis equipment when he should be spending it on lessons. He’s got several top-of-the line state of the art new Wilson Pro Staff RF97 and certainly had a Prince Boron in the 1980s.   He wears those new Roger Federer Vapor shoes that match his Roger Federer outfit for each Grand Slam.  He even has the matching head band and moisture-wicking performance apparel under his clothes, wrist bands and an expensive 15 racquet combi bag to keep it all in. Estimated retail price: way, way, way too much for a tennis league that has a grand prize of a $4 clean up towel.

It’s all well and good, though, as long as this guy isn’t control of any sort of budget at work. If he is, expect your company to go under by the end of the year, just after his $400,000 remodel of the reception area is completed.


#2 — The Injury Machine


He has yet to make it through a single season without suffering a major injury. Sprained ankle, torn hamstring, broken finger. There was even that time he got attacked by a swarm of bees in returning serve from the ad-court. Cal Ripken played 2,632 consecutive baseball games against the greatest competition in the world; this guy can’t even make it through 2 sets and a Super Tiebreak.

And while his injuries hurt the performance of your tennis team, it’s even worse having to listen to him groan about them.

#3 — The No-Show


League team isn’t mandatory and everyone has — or tries to have — a life outside. So sometimes it can be a challenge to wrangle up 8 players for a match. It’s even more of a challenge when you suspect that one of your teammates who has confirmed they’ll be there won’t show up.

You: Really? Are you sure you can make it this week? Because you left us in a bind last week. And the week before.

No-Show: Oh, definitely. I’ll be there. There was just a miscommunication with my wife about picking up the kids last week. I’ll be there Saturday. You can count on me.

You: Alright. You are our eighth player. We’re counting on you. Be there by 2 pm, okay?

No-Show: I’ll be there by 1:30.

By the time 3:30 rolls around, your team is one player short and giving a default. Oh, well. At least the team always has a good excuse for sucking.

#4 — The Ex-Tennis Star


He played in high school, maybe even college, and he’s the most talented player on your team by far. There is pressure on him to perform. And he’s feeling it. Maybe that’s why he’s swinging so hard and killing the windscreen. Really, really, really hard.

Ah, jeez. There’s another hard hit passing shot. It’s an easy 6 feet out. All you needed was to put the ball in a square big enough to land a helicopter.  But it was an impressive miss. No one else on your team could hit it even half that hard or that high up the back fence. Who cares that he’s going .500. He intimidates the opposition.

And remember that one match last fall when he stomped Mike Kelly? That was easily one of the greatest moments in the history of the team. 

#5 — The Drunk


In the parking lot before the match he’s drinking. He’s drinking during the match between changeovers. And all he talks about between swigs is where everyone wants to go out after the match. It’s very likely he has a serious drinking problem. But then everyone has known that since he drunkenly dry-humped a fake tree during the team after party.

#6 — The Hot Girl on Your Mixed Team


She might be an intern, she might just be a young, attractive teammate for morale purposes. But she looks really good in a short skirt and a tight t-shirt. Has she ever played tennis? She looks really good in a short skirt and a tight t-shirt. Could it be argued that the team would be better if she wasn’t invited to play? She looks really good in a short skirt and a tight t-shirt.

Also, running or bending. She looks really good when she’s running or bending. Can’t forget that. She looks amazing when she’s running or bending.

#7 — The Tennis Girl on Your Mixed Team


She is awesome at tennis and often on a Springpark mixed team. She played tennis in school and is a great athlete. She routinely hits the aces when they move in for her serve, assuming no girl has that kind of power. She’s one of the only players on the team who can hit an overhead out of the air without making it an adventure. Unfortunately for her, almost no one notices any of this because she doesn’t look quite as good in a short skirt and a tight t-shirt as that other girl.

#8 — The Guy Who Brings His Kids


Lots of people on the team hate The No-Show, but at least he doesn’t use the team as his after-hours child care. And the worst part, now everyone has to watch what they say and do because little kid ears are present. Thanks a lot for making a non-working activity even more restrictive than being at work, fella.

The Drunk doesn’t play by the G-rated rules, however. “Hey, Tom’s girl — how old are you? Eleven? Dammit. You look older.”

#9 — The Moron


Somehow this person grew up in America playing sports yet has almost zero understanding of the rules of Tennis.  He runs to the net regardless of the situation.  And whenever he asks the score, he wants to know how many “points” each team has.  He has no concept of where to stand on the tennis court. You have to repeatedly remind him when it is his turn to serve and which side he is returning.

Why is he even playing tennis? Who knows. He might just be so dumb that he thinks he’s playing cricket.  After all, he plays tennis like he does cricket.

#10 — The Guy on Your Team Because He Has Friend on the Team and He really Sucks


Competitors at the Special Olympics don’t get more encouragement than this guy.

“Great Stroke! It will reach the net next time!”

“Oh! Bad break there. Not your fault.  It must have hit a rock and that is why you whiffed.”

“No worries. You got beat by that guy and I doubt anyone else could win that. Productive loss!  Thanks for taking one for the team.”


110 comments:

  1. I have known all of them... except the hot chick.

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    Replies
    1. The Hot Chick is easier to find than the one that can play.

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    2. Hot chick list please b/c I still don't believe hot chicks play mixed...

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  2. Somabut quietly getting Knick Tran back to 4.0 as well. He has played 17 sets and has won just one. Has lost 6-0 or 6-1 half the time. Le and Somabut looking to make a 4.0 push next year with Huhyn and Tran leading the way. Great playing guys, combined 0-18 losing 227 games.

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    Replies
    1. I have a feeling Tony won't be captaining anything next year

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    2. Is that Tony's decision or the USTA's decision?

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    3. it would be Tony's, USTA wont do anything.

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  3. What happened to the Cheating Captain?

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  4. Nothing, no suspension or penalty. Just throw out 3.5 self rates and see what sticks.

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  5. 11) how about the coaching player,
    He isnt better than you, yet he wants to coach you on how to play the game, telling you to shit you dont need to hear which sucks as its coming from a weaker player who cant cover the lines, cant hit his serves in the little box and decides .......
    Hey guy...im going to poach and i want you to hit to this guys backhand and to the other guys forehand and he kind of blocks your serving area so you have no choice or hit this douche(which wouldnt be a bad idea). Its sad since your serves are the winning points yet this guy cant hit a net ball when the gifts are coming in. He cant cover the little space...subs alley, he cant play a lob that hit to him as you are beast at the net when he is serving.
    Yes...the coaching guy.....

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  6. We have some number 7's that look good in a tight shirt and a short skirt.

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    Replies
    1. Mike Kelly only looks good to you in a skirt and shirt.

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  7. #1 is definitly Noe Romero. #4 is James Ashby. Let me hear from you on nominations for the other numbers on the list.

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    Replies
    1. I want to know about the hot girl.

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  8. #5 Blake Bearden

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  9. #6 doesn't exist.

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    Replies
    1. Not since Pickett's wife quit playing.

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  10. Miranda DaCosta is #6 AND #7. Just ask Ashby.

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    Replies
    1. yeah, she'll make you forget about Pickett's wife

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  11. Congrats to Arcaria for beating that thought 3.5 last week vs. Brookhaven, and how the hell does Tony Le and Jorge Aguilar lose to Strohl?????

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    Replies
    1. It should be no surprise, did you see AguiLIAR's fall results? Good to see Arcaris getting his game back against 3.5s. Tiny better bennch himself and AguLIAR after this last performance. I'd hate for that to happen in the playoffs.

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    2. Who is Arcaris... Is he related to Icarus?

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    3. One got too close the sun and got burned. One got too close to the Le and is getting burned.

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  12. you are kidding right?????? You think le and AguiLIAR trying to win??? Pleeeez

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  13. Le, Aguiliar, Huhnyn and KnIck Tran combined 1-29. Good playing guys. They are winning about 3 percent of their matches. Of those 29 losses 22 were to 3.5 bumpups from a year ago. Well, maybe they will find their game soon. Sam Hyunh actually lost 6-0,6-2 to a 3.0 from 2013. Guess anyone beats anyone on a given day.

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  14. Who has that much time on there hands. I hope you aren't working when researching this stuff.

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    Replies
    1. Someone that doesn't have a job and bitches about 4.0 constantly. Sound familiar?

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  15. Zackary has a job.

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    Replies
    1. Bitching about everyone else is not a job.

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  16. Does he play FW playoffs and leave Greg Ohlllllll hung out to dry to avoid Le team again? FW playoffs tomorrow so we will know soon. After Greg taking him in you would thing he would play for him. Interested minds want to know.

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  17. Zackary playing FW...

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  18. No surprise given Zacry track record. Wonder what Greg Ohl thinks now?

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    Replies
    1. Ohl got what he deserved. He bitched about Zackary all last year being one of the biggest cheaters in Dallas and then took him back. Ohl is Zackary's 2am hookup, always ready to say yes when Zackary has no better offer.

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  19. Zachary keep it up he will have no offers anymore

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  20. With Rigney's track record, Zackary will be available for Dallas.

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    Replies
    1. what wrong with Rigney?

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    2. Akways thinks he has the best team and loses.

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  21. Zackary Care only about Mix Dubs.

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    Replies
    1. I believe that. He gets his ass kicked in any important men's match.

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  22. Forgot to add to my 9:18 post, "While I burn bridges everywhere else".

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    Replies
    1. Now we know why Sisk got rid of him.

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    2. Now we know why everyone gets rid of him. So far Alan is the only one putting up with him. Did realize Alan was such a wuss.

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    3. I was thinking of kicking him off the 7.0 team, but now I HAVE to keep him.

      I have no issues with Zack. Other than he thinks he is the only player that can win, he won't come to practice, he talks trash about the rest of the team, and he tells the other guys how to play. Other then that, he's awesome. And he wins. That's all I care about.

      AA

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    4. Can one guy win 2 lines? If not, somebody else can win.

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  23. Zackary a great teammate.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I am a...I mean..um..he is a great team mate.

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    2. What makes him a great teammate or a bad one?

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    3. If he is really trashing his teammates, that would probably be in the bad category. How do you trash teammates when you made nationals?

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  24. He may be a bad teammate but he's got to be a worse captain. How do you have Mike Kelly, Jason Moore and Jason Kern and not even win cities?

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    Replies
    1. not sure about a teammate or captain and dont even know zacry well but I can assure you Mike K had no intention of advancing that year as he just got his 4.5 appeal back. he will play his best for alan but not wasting much on a second tier team that was going nowhere.

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    2. Agreed, Mike K. tanked 3 mixed matches that season. BTW, how can Alan be a wuss? He cannot be held responsible for Zacry running off most playing partners and team mates.

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    3. Tanking a match in mixed does nothing for your rating.

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    4. Mike k didn't want to travel with that group of people. Bottom line.

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  25. What has Mike Z done to deserve the bashing?
    Please list.

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    Replies
    1. besides tanking consistently to stay down at 4.0 and being married to a huge tanker that tanked down to 3.5, nothing.

      there is no doubt he is not 4.5 material, but that could be said about a lot of dudes who go out and play 4.5 honestly each week.

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    2. I think everyone knows. He will probably spend the rest of his playing days in FW.

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  26. Just remember if you beat a guy named Mike, he probably tanked to you.

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  27. Chances Mike Z plays for _____ again:
    Sisk 0%
    Le 0 %
    Clark 0%
    Alan A 10%
    Ohl 25%
    Rigney 33%
    any other captain TBD

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    Replies
    1. Sisk 100%
      Clark 100%
      Rigney 100%
      Ohl 100%

      Sisk and Clark whats your input on Zackary?

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    2. Tony Le is 0%. This is an absolute guarantee.

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    3. Sisk and Clark whats your input on Zackary??

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    4. Still Waiting on Sisk and Clark to say something.

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    5. where r u Sisk and Clark????????

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    6. Sisk what your take on Zackary?

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    7. Clark what your take on Zackary?
      we would like to know?

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    8. What's Alan opinion? He posts on here

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    9. Alan has given opinion. He was going to release him from team but has limited players going, some unavailable.

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    10. We actually have 5 guys and 5 girls going. The team voted to keep Zachary and his attitude. They like a little crazy. It makes things interesting.

      AA

      Delete
  28. Keith Clark is 0%. This is an absolute guarantee.

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  29. All of a sudden Clark and Sisk have lost their computer.

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    Replies
    1. Do you blame them? Zacry lost his 7.0 mixed match against Le team early in the season. Then he files grievance. He then ducked Le in the mens 4.0 match by not playing at all. He then deserts Greg Ohl bec he knows he has no shot to beat Le in Dallas. And why exactly would you not want him?

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    2. A.J. also playing FW

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    3. A.J. Losing in FW as usual.

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    4. headed back to 3.5

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  30. Why the hell is the DTA taking two teams from QT into city playoffs? A five team round robin for cities gives everyone a chance at the sectionals wild card. Now if you're in Le's flight at cities you have no shot. Total BS.

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    Replies
    1. No shit. I bet Brookhaven is on the other side.

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    2. At least the DTA isn't conflicted by having Canyon Creek in the hunt.

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  31. Fort Worth and Zacry beating Fort Worth down. Looks like Rigney self rated a few guys in the fall and got 3.5 ratings and now they are laying waste to 4.0 playoffs. This sounds familiar... Hmmm... I bet Todd won't do anything.

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  32. Actually Zacry is not even their best player. He has lost more games than most the other players today. He is prob 4th or 5th best. Rigneys singles guys are kickin butt. BTW Todd will do nothing because Rigney not parading those self rates around like le did.

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    Replies
    1. Zackary clutch. He win everytime he try.

      Delete
    2. Unless he is playing someone he cant beat then he will say he was tanking or better yet he just won't show up to play. Or even leave the team all together and play out of FW

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    3. 8:39 is obviously Zak posting.

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  33. Useless jabber. No one is going to beat our mighty Le team. We have already reserved our ticket to nationals.

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    Replies
    1. Hope those tickets are refundable.
      -WR

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    2. Who in the world beats us?
      Ben Dover

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  34. We have heard that before. Everyone thinks they will go to nationals. I hope they do, but let's wait and see. You may want to go practice some at Springpark. That was the site last year.

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    Replies
    1. They are refundable. If need be we will sell our seats to the Springpark mixed team. Tickets are good for a year and they have been 3 times in a year and a half and SP going back again in November. Even turning down Hawaii in 2013. Must be nice to turn down a nationals trip. I wished I could just even go to 1!!!!!

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    2. If you like tennis that much to go to nationals you are an idiot! SP players have wasted a bunch of money going to nationals (Kelley in particular has wasted a small fortune), probably averaging $2k a trip. If 20,000 smackos is worth a weekends waste of time playing in a hell hole that nobody wants to go to then have at it, I have been twice and don't ever care to go again!

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    3. Nationals are A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY AND YOU ALSO HAVE TO SPLIT UP. Only people with low self esteem (kelley) and think they are great captains (Alan) try to get there. Most others just enjoy the recreation and fun.

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  35. Actually it's about $1000 and it's a lot of fun. I've been twice and enjoy the competition and the interaction with my team. Maybe you should go with people you like.

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    Replies
    1. If you enjoy the people you're going out there with its a lot of fun. If you don't like your team its a total waste of time. I've done both.

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  36. Zackry and Gang win FW.

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    Replies
    1. Haven't seen it posted but thanks.

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  37. Because 7:58 is Zackary. Stroking his own ego again.

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  38. Yes, 7:58 is him again. They would have won without Zachary anyway. He is slowly running off any would be captain of his in the future. Funny how he just dumped his Dallas Ohl team and took the easier route thru FW. Can we hear from Greg Ohl if he would ever let Zacry come on board again, skip the hard match and then play out of FW bec he knows he won't beat Tony le team?

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  39. We all find out Aug 14th..

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  40. I see Zackry wins 1-0 and 0-0 in finals.
    Really.

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    Replies
    1. Zacry was 8:42 post as well. So did everyone else on that team win easily. Zacry opponents were 3.5 bump ups, and one of them was 3.0 in 2013.

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  41. I talked to Greg Ohl. He is not a happy camper and no, ZaCRY will never play for him again.

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  42. 8:38 was Zacry as well.

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  43. Why you people waste time posting on this guy is crazy. He is only posting to stir things up. Has never won a big match and actually ducked them. The one big match he played he was beaten 6-3, 6-0. Still no word from Clark if he lets Zacry go to sectionals. That in itself tells you everything.

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  44. Tony Le on that team. Will be very interesting to see if Zakry goes and everyone else stays home or everyone goes and Zakry told to stay.

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  45. Le and Zackry going to win Sectional together in Sep.

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  46. Zak also 9:20 post. Hell would freeze over before Le would go on that team if Zak goes.

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  47. Le and Zackry are good friends.
    I see no problem..

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  48. to 11:32. Now that is funny! Not sure Tony laughing though.

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  49. 11:32 was a Zak post. No one else would post that that knows Tony Le. That is a complete joke.

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  50. For what it's wroth, I used to caption teams, and I would never have Zackry on one of my roosters again. And you can take that to the banked.

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  51. we have a hater
    what is name?

    ReplyDelete