2013 Pimp of the Year-First Annual Dallas Tennis Playas Ball Awards

We all know that pimpin’ ain’t easy.  It is time to recognize the Mack Daddy’s of Dallas Tennis.  Without captains, aka, the Pimps of Dallas tennis, there would be no league.  I’ve decided to make the first annual Pimp of the Year for the DTA Playa’s Ball.  The rules require the pimp to get his stable of Hoes to a National ‘Playas Ball.’  You must win a 2013 sectional title and it must have men on the roster so you mixed pimps get to be a part.   These hard core Mack Daddy’s all want their money (street slang for wins)…  the pimp’s money is getting those wins…

With no further ado…  Here are the  candidates

We start with upper class TBar Terror.  None other than Guido the Killer Pimp.

Oscar Flores-  aka Guido the Killer Pimp--Pimped his stable of hoes to a 5.0+ nationals runnerup.  These aren’t your ordinary skanks.  These are 5.0 hoes.  These are your $1,000 per night escort hoes.  Oscar and Guido know top notch talent when they see it and use it as it should be.  They are the type that will be featured on a CNBC the Business of Pleasure documentary.  We don’t see these hoes street walking at the point.  To make his hoes even hotter, they have some 5.0+ hoes.  This is serious top shelf hoes.  They finished national runner-up.  We are talking about some serious top talent.  This is a stable of hoes that Oscar can be proud to pimp.  Look for yourself, this is what a stable of call-hoes are suppose to look like.

Here is a video of Guido himself talking to another Dallas legendary pimp Joel; he is just letting Joel know that 5.0 hoes are his hoes and Joel better remember not to get into his territory…

Our next candidate hails from the mean streets of Fretz and Furious.  It is Willy Dynamite himself...

Keith Clark- aka Willie Dynamite—This mild mannered business man by day and hard core pimp daddy on the weekends pimped his stable of 3.5 40+ hoes to a Playa’s Ball Title.  While Oscar had some high class hoes, these are more the street walking skank variety.  Most are over the hill and none of them were ever high class hoes to start.  From results, they appear to have had  two top producing singles player hoes to drag them all the way to a crystal ball.  The others are just over the hill lifetime skank hoes.  They don’t have the sexiness of Oscar’s top shelf hoes but pimpin’ ain’t easy and Clark pimped this group to a championship.  These are some low rent hoes but nevertheless, champion hoes.  Here is a picture of the stable.   

 I bet these hoes will please for a Benjamin… Who am I kidding, they would please for a Lincoln, and I'm talking the coin not the folding green variety.  Here is a video of what happens if someone crosses Willie Dynamite…

Our third candidate is the wicked witch of the DTA West Side Wagon Wheel.  She is the only Madam among our esteemed playas. Miss Mona Stangley

Krista Carlson-aka Miss Mona Stangley- The Wagon Wheel Ranch Madam is the only female on the list. She has several fillies in her stable.  She pimped her 9.0 MXD over the hill 40+ hoes to nationals.  She added James Ribbed“for her pleasure”man and Feldman for added insurance.  These are a couple of longtime Dallas top notch hoes.  They’ve been successfully hoeing the Dallas tennis scene for years.  She also has dependable hoe Paul Kiron.  No high level Dallas stable of hoes is complete without Kiron.  These are your $500/night and up hoes; she still has a few $1,000 premium hoes like OG OscarG too.  Take a look at this stable.  Impressive.  Easily the best looking group of hoes.

Here is her happy self singing with Burt Reynolds?.  In clearly the most painful video to watch, if you feel you need to skip one, I recommend this one.

Our fourth candidate is from the High Point Hood, Goldie the Mack...

Greg Wiley-aka Goldie TheMack-Pimped his stable of over the hill 40+ hoes to the 4.0 Playa’s ball.  Looks like they got pimp slapped when they were there by superior hoes but represented Texas at the Playa’s ball nonetheless.  Looking at the picture, he has to have the fattest hoes and the amazing thing is most play out of a fitness club.  This Mack Daddy must be trying to corner the chubby chase market.  These are your $20 and $10/job crack hoes.  Take a look at his stable for yourself...

He does have dedicated Hoes.  One is so dedicated that his name is Ho.  Hard to find that kind of dedication in pimpin' these days.  Goldie is a cold blooded brother.  He only cares about his bitches getting his money (slang for wins).  Take a look at a hidden camera of a conversation with one of his hoes that didn't produce.  I hope that isn't his Hoe named Ho.

AKA, Spring Park menace is our fourth nominee, The Fly Guy...

Alan Abbruzzese aka The Fly Guy–This world class pimp took his stable of hoes to two different Playa’s Balls.  This is a very impressive feat.  He took them to a national runner up in 18s 8.0 mixed and then won a sectional title in over the hill 40s.  Both are at 8.0 and no mixed stable of hoes is complete without the greatest Dallas mixed hoe of all time, Mike Kelly.  This is the kind of hoe that can nearly lock down a John every time.  He even added a new blood Hoe in Kyle Davidson.  Much like Kelly, Kyle is an underrated Hoe.  Most believe he is capable of hoeing at higher levels.  He and Kelly are definitely capable of hoeing in Oscar’s high class hoe stable.  Take a look at the AA's stable.  He has two stables but most moonlight in the other.

 In Mixed, his stable of hoes have performed!  Here is a video of the Fly Guy walking down the street in his total pimp style with his pimp theme music...

Our final nominee comes from the Lifetime Crime family.  Mr. Dolemite himself

Joel Pickett-aka Dolemite- This long time big time pimp took his Tri-Level hoes to a national championship.  This is not a sanctioned national Playa’s Ball so he will lose points.  He borrowed Alan’s top producing Ho Kelly and went and got a Fort Worth Ho.  His mid-level hoes really didn’t produce but he made Clark one of his main bitches for this event.  They won but not a true playa’s ball takes points away.  Regardless, it was some great pimpin’.  This big time pimp still wins a championship at the best event in the Playa’s circuit.  Even if that event isn’t ‘sanctioned.’  Gotta get props.  Here is a pic of his Hoes.

As if keeping his flock in line isn’t tough enough, Dolemite has to deal with cops framing him for tanking he didn’t commit. He and his army of hoes wreak havoc across lifetime.  Often quoted and never forgotten, Dolemite Pickett is one bad mutha… Here is a video of his pimping…

There you have it, your DTA candidates for Pimp of the Year.  The winner is… Alan Abbruzzese.  Any man who can pimp his way to two Playa’s Balls in one tennis year is a man of extraordinary pimping ability.   Here is a clip of his acceptance speech…

 This annual award can go to all of you wannabe Playas.  All you gotta do is pimp your stable to Nationals.  There is a lot of competition and a lot of events to get you qualified.  Do you have it in you?  The DTA needs yo money, get more hoes!  Remember, those Houston Pimps don't play nice.