Monday, April 7, 2014

2013 Pimp of the Year-First Annual Dallas Tennis Playas Ball Awards






We all know that pimpin’ ain’t easy.  It is time to recognize the Mack Daddy’s of Dallas Tennis.  Without captains, aka, the Pimps of Dallas tennis, there would be no league.  I’ve decided to make the first annual Pimp of the Year for the DTA Playa’s Ball.  The rules require the pimp to get his stable of Hoes to a National ‘Playas Ball.’  You must win a 2013 sectional title and it must have men on the roster so you mixed pimps get to be a part.   These hard core Mack Daddy’s all want their money (street slang for wins)…  the pimp’s money is getting those wins…

With no further ado…  Here are the  candidates

We start with upper class TBar Terror.  None other than Guido the Killer Pimp.


Oscar Flores-  aka Guido the Killer Pimp--Pimped his stable of hoes to a 5.0+ nationals runnerup.  These aren’t your ordinary skanks.  These are 5.0 hoes.  These are your $1,000 per night escort hoes.  Oscar and Guido know top notch talent when they see it and use it as it should be.  They are the type that will be featured on a CNBC the Business of Pleasure documentary.  We don’t see these hoes street walking at the point.  To make his hoes even hotter, they have some 5.0+ hoes.  This is serious top shelf hoes.  They finished national runner-up.  We are talking about some serious top talent.  This is a stable of hoes that Oscar can be proud to pimp.  Look for yourself, this is what a stable of call-hoes are suppose to look like.



Here is a video of Guido himself talking to another Dallas legendary pimp Joel; he is just letting Joel know that 5.0 hoes are his hoes and Joel better remember not to get into his territory…





Our next candidate hails from the mean streets of Fretz and Furious.  It is Willy Dynamite himself...



Keith Clark- aka Willie Dynamite—This mild mannered business man by day and hard core pimp daddy on the weekends pimped his stable of 3.5 40+ hoes to a Playa’s Ball Title.  While Oscar had some high class hoes, these are more the street walking skank variety.  Most are over the hill and none of them were ever high class hoes to start.  From results, they appear to have had  two top producing singles player hoes to drag them all the way to a crystal ball.  The others are just over the hill lifetime skank hoes.  They don’t have the sexiness of Oscar’s top shelf hoes but pimpin’ ain’t easy and Clark pimped this group to a championship.  These are some low rent hoes but nevertheless, champion hoes.  Here is a picture of the stable.   



 I bet these hoes will please for a Benjamin… Who am I kidding, they would please for a Lincoln, and I'm talking the coin not the folding green variety.  Here is a video of what happens if someone crosses Willie Dynamite…




Our third candidate is the wicked witch of the DTA West Side Wagon Wheel.  She is the only Madam among our esteemed playas. Miss Mona Stangley



Krista Carlson-aka Miss Mona Stangley- The Wagon Wheel Ranch Madam is the only female on the list. She has several fillies in her stable.  She pimped her 9.0 MXD over the hill 40+ hoes to nationals.  She added James Ribbed“for her pleasure”man and Feldman for added insurance.  These are a couple of longtime Dallas top notch hoes.  They’ve been successfully hoeing the Dallas tennis scene for years.  She also has dependable hoe Paul Kiron.  No high level Dallas stable of hoes is complete without Kiron.  These are your $500/night and up hoes; she still has a few $1,000 premium hoes like OG OscarG too.  Take a look at this stable.  Impressive.  Easily the best looking group of hoes.




Here is her happy self singing with Burt Reynolds?.  In clearly the most painful video to watch, if you feel you need to skip one, I recommend this one.




Our fourth candidate is from the High Point Hood, Goldie the Mack...



Greg Wiley-aka Goldie TheMack-Pimped his stable of over the hill 40+ hoes to the 4.0 Playa’s ball.  Looks like they got pimp slapped when they were there by superior hoes but represented Texas at the Playa’s ball nonetheless.  Looking at the picture, he has to have the fattest hoes and the amazing thing is most play out of a fitness club.  This Mack Daddy must be trying to corner the chubby chase market.  These are your $20 and $10/job crack hoes.  Take a look at his stable for yourself...





He does have dedicated Hoes.  One is so dedicated that his name is Ho.  Hard to find that kind of dedication in pimpin' these days.  Goldie is a cold blooded brother.  He only cares about his bitches getting his money (slang for wins).  Take a look at a hidden camera of a conversation with one of his hoes that didn't produce.  I hope that isn't his Hoe named Ho.



AKA, Spring Park menace is our fourth nominee, The Fly Guy...



Alan Abbruzzese aka The Fly Guy–This world class pimp took his stable of hoes to two different Playa’s Balls.  This is a very impressive feat.  He took them to a national runner up in 18s 8.0 mixed and then won a sectional title in over the hill 40s.  Both are at 8.0 and no mixed stable of hoes is complete without the greatest Dallas mixed hoe of all time, Mike Kelly.  This is the kind of hoe that can nearly lock down a John every time.  He even added a new blood Hoe in Kyle Davidson.  Much like Kelly, Kyle is an underrated Hoe.  Most believe he is capable of hoeing at higher levels.  He and Kelly are definitely capable of hoeing in Oscar’s high class hoe stable.  Take a look at the AA's stable.  He has two stables but most moonlight in the other.









 In Mixed, his stable of hoes have performed!  Here is a video of the Fly Guy walking down the street in his total pimp style with his pimp theme music...



Our final nominee comes from the Lifetime Crime family.  Mr. Dolemite himself


Joel Pickett-aka Dolemite- This long time big time pimp took his Tri-Level hoes to a national championship.  This is not a sanctioned national Playa’s Ball so he will lose points.  He borrowed Alan’s top producing Ho Kelly and went and got a Fort Worth Ho.  His mid-level hoes really didn’t produce but he made Clark one of his main bitches for this event.  They won but not a true playa’s ball takes points away.  Regardless, it was some great pimpin’.  This big time pimp still wins a championship at the best event in the Playa’s circuit.  Even if that event isn’t ‘sanctioned.’  Gotta get props.  Here is a pic of his Hoes.



As if keeping his flock in line isn’t tough enough, Dolemite has to deal with cops framing him for tanking he didn’t commit. He and his army of hoes wreak havoc across lifetime.  Often quoted and never forgotten, Dolemite Pickett is one bad mutha… Here is a video of his pimping…



There you have it, your DTA candidates for Pimp of the Year.  The winner is… Alan Abbruzzese.  Any man who can pimp his way to two Playa’s Balls in one tennis year is a man of extraordinary pimping ability.   Here is a clip of his acceptance speech…


 This annual award can go to all of you wannabe Playas.  All you gotta do is pimp your stable to Nationals.  There is a lot of competition and a lot of events to get you qualified.  Do you have it in you?  The DTA needs yo money, get more hoes!  Remember, those Houston Pimps don't play nice.

104 comments:

  1. Damn, Kelly is easily the top producing ho.

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    1. Not even anyone close. Looking at tennislink he has done nationals in 4 separate events and all have been 18 and over. That is by far the most impressive feat of all. I have been his biggest critic but until this article I didn't realize what he had done outside of 8.0 nationals multiple times. Hats off, easily Texas' most ballin player of last 5 years. Period.

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  2. Kelley is pictured holding up two national tiltes in this thread??? Skipped another and won his match in the national final in yet another? Sorry, I despise him but everyone else competing for a distant second. Great freakin thread Murray!

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  3. Videos don't work on my phone. How do I fix that?

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    1. I don't have an answer for that.

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    2. Doesn't work on my iPad either.

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  4. Did Kelly win a trilevel national title as well or is this bs?????

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    1. No BS. He did

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    2. BS, he would have been on here bragging about that crap. Can someone who knows please give me a serious answer!!! If true I will finally give the guy his due!

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    3. Start giving due.

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    4. BS, I find no record of anything with him winning trilevel nationals. Probably punk ass Kelley writing that he won it just to screw w people!

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    5. Whether you believe it or not, it is true. More likely, you are Kelley and trying to screw with people.

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    6. Don't believe and can't find it.

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    7. Why don't you find who won it and prove he didn't.

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  5. Great work ML. My vote 4 Kelley, easily winning hoe crown. Quietly racking up national appearances. Damn hard to do.

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  6. When Kelley gets to 9.0 nationals in mixed I will be impressed????? He would hold all 4 national appearances at that point. Trilevel, 8.0 mixed , 9.0 mixed and men's league. Freakin do that and then you will get the Texas player of the decade. Until then join a 9.0 team and try to get there. You never will!

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  7. Oscar and Guido actually resemble other.

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    1. No at as much as Krista looking like a flat chested Miss Mona.

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  8. That Dolemite video is hilarious...

    "Dolemite is my name and fuckin up mutha fuckas is my game." I'm gonna start Joel Pimp Daddy Pickett.

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  9. How many of us have seen Alan wearing one of those yellow shirts when he plays.

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  10. What about some of the bad ass Pimps from the past like Kaiser and Bender? They derserve there props!

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    1. The rules are for 2013 Pimp of the Year not Pimp of the Decade or in Bender's case a Lifetime Achievement Pimp award. It is 2014 and a whole new year for pimping. If I was going into old time bad ass pimps, I would have included my old friend Rusty Branch. Now that is an old school pimp.

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  11. This prestigious award motivates me to want to captain a team.

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  12. Very funny. I tought I would take a break from Mike Kelly this is your life stream to bring to light something that has been bothering me for awhile. I chose this forum as lots of active players watch this site and maybe make things better going forward for all. I first want to say I am not here to attack anyone just show things have gotten a little ridiculous with regard to winning league tennis and advancing on to Nationals. My name is Paul Kiron. I was on Marc Rossouw FW 40 plus team. Mid season I joined Mark Sweeney team. They advanced through to cities and due to new rules was left with option of not playing or playing and running risk of sweeney winning and thus by new rules being automatically placed on sweeney team if they advanced through cities. I spoke with Marc and he rightfully thought risk was high and I would potentially be exempt from his team. 8 other people were in that position from other teams in Dallas that also played for Rossouw FW team. Donnie and I were only ones that advanced and were taken off his team. In the end I felt I would take the risk and it backfired on FW team. I appologized to Marc. The responce I got was the following. Marc is oversees and responded via email. I am obviously disapointed but not entirely surprised in your decision to play for sweeney in dallas playoffs after 1) our ft worth team had qualified for sectionals and 2) made you aware that playing and winning would disqualify you from ft worth team. This shortly after you abandon our ft worth 18s team to go and play with a bunch of tankers. now it seems that you are working to undermine our ft worth 40s team. I should have listened to the guys on 40s team last year that you are not a team player have no loyalty and basically lack integrity. I defended you and your record and now look like a naive fool. You will never be invited back to one of my teams ever! you obviously dont care but I want you to be clear and never think that I have not let you know directly as opposed to via other people rumors etc...you can try to defend or justify your actions by whatever warped logic you try to use but I am through discussing it with you. You guys may end up winning< I hope not. The end does not justify the means. Just because others do it does not make it ok. You of all people who have been through what you have should see this and know better. Marc
    The reason I printed this is one to show things have gotten out of hand. This is just league tennis played by mostly middle aged men. Marc is a good guy I think and just wants to win very badly and it has gotten best of him. My character has been questioned for which I am disapointed. I know certain people do not like me. Ricky Jeff and todd B. I am sure there are others, but I have never tried to offend anyone. I personally apologized to Todd B as I was completely wrong in how I intercted with him. Any others not sure what I have done but am sorry as well. Mnay guys on marcs team that I know and really like brian,john,kevin,jason,ron,robbie,steve,dale,justin and jason k. I am sorry if I let any of you down. As a person who has dealt with horrible physical issues last 4 years the need to win at all costs has long since passed. Yet as a 50 year old man the need to be dictated to has passed as well. My hope is we all just get back to fun competitive tennis and the teams that want to succeed I wish all the best of luck.This is not the same league when Rusty Branch was a round dominating. People were upset that he kept winning, but the vitriol was much less. Paul kiron

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    1. You and Murray both give Rusty props w/in 35 minutes. What happened to him? Haven't seen him in a long time.

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    2. Well said Paul. In the end we are no different than a softball league. We are just guys trying to recapture our youth and enjoy what little is left. We play tennis instead of softball but we like to play, hang with fellow players,drink a beer afterward and laugh.

      Best of luck

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    3. So Rossouw is mad because you played on a team full of tankers but defends you anyways. Now you are another team he is mad? Isn't this what the Kelly apologetics said he did to Kelly too? Rossouw acts like the holier than thou but as long as it benefits him he is just fine with it.

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  13. Just a matter of time until this all came out in the wash. Too many guys have no loyalty and leave one for the other. Russow showing true colors and that story has been out awhile. He did same thing to Kelly and that cost him many a trip to sectionals and nationals. Say what you want about Kelley but he stays true to his teams or doesn't play at all. These other people whore around to get their best shot at winning. I don't understand why anybody would play for this guy. He will kick you to the curb just as he has bad mouthed Kelly, Kiron and others. He is a major problem and he should be disciplined. Thx Paul for exposing this fraud!!!!!

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  14. Wow, Russouw calls out Paul on loyalty, integrity, hope he loses, says others told him Paul was lacking character and can never come back. Anyone of you guys playing for him are fools.

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  15. Not surprised. Russouw a canyon creek member

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  16. Let's get Roussow side. By now his cronies have let him know about Paul's rant and he has read this.

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    1. Rossouw has so many players. Why does he care if 1 leaves. Paul is obviously a quality player but Roasouw has 20+ more strong players. I know Sweeney and Rossouw and I too would choose to play with Sweeney. At least I would get to play.

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  17. Where are Russ, Brandon, Ellis and other followers of Comrad Russouw? Why not on here backing him up???

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    1. They are playing in Fort Worth while running Dallas tennis.

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    2. Can you imagine having Dallas players manipulating FW tennis?what a crock all this crap is!! Absolutely comical these two air their dirty laundry. Russouw will keep the people no one else will have but what do the decent players do now??? We will find out about a lot of people now.

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  18. You should have given Rossouw an honorary pimp mention. He has a lot of hoes.

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    1. As I said before, you must win sectionals. Also you would have to win it out of a Dallas League. He didn't win sectionals and his best team plays out of Fort Worth.

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  19. Houston laughing their ass off while the crooked and corrupt DTA and ft worth and Dallas leagues water each other down so much bec of enormous egos and no team loyalty. Keep it up boyz

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  20. Rossouw isn't a CC guy. We booted him out because of these type of antics. I'm appalled at what he wrote to Paul. Paul has more class and integrity than just about anyone in DFW tennis. I wonder if Rossouw loses his top guys in Over 40 Ft Worth. It will be tough for most to play for him after his actions towards Paul. Keep your head up Paul.

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  21. Cory, you have been a big supporter of Comrad R. How do you feel now?

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    1. So Marc has no reason to be upset? I'm not condoning the stuff he said but he has a reason to be upset. No captain wants their players to leave their teams to play for others. Common sense.

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    2. So playing in a five team league with no playoff in another city just to qualify easily is condoned? How can all these Dallas residents take over the Ft. Worth leagues? I'm surprised the Fort Worth teams don't change something in their rules.

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    3. He has 24 players on his roster, does it really matter? Is it just a case that he doesn't want to play against him? Pretty selfish to have too many players where most can't even get playing time just so you don't have to face them.

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    4. Especially when only 7 could be considered Ft Worth players (Southlake, Coppell, Ft Worth...) and not Dallas, Frisco, Plano...

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    5. I've thought about that 7:08 but why would FW change when they got 24 extra league fees from his team? Although I would think having Dallas players come in would drive local players out of the league but don't know if the stats back that up.

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    6. Pretty sure Dallas captains would react badly if the situation were reversed and Ft Worth players came and kept taking sectionals spots from Dallas leagues.

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    7. Here's hoping Marc makes nationals with his big roster. Then they'll have to split up and he'll be done.

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    8. If that happens, spreading the players will be impossible. Dallas 4.5 will be a joke for a year.

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  22. This is worst then womens tcd. lol. just play and be competitive. who gives a schit about nationals. Theres no money ! lollllls

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  23. You didn't hear? Prize money and free gear when you get to nationals. Or if not that you can diss everyone in town, bad mouth teammates, play in other cities and manipulate ratings. Sounds like fun!

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  24. Mostly true. There is no prize money.

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  25. Let your kids read this grown men attacking each other over a 4.5 league. This should have been kept in house. This will become a huge deal before the dust clears.

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  26. yep. No matter how sorry the email was, it should not have been posted here.

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  27. I wouldn't play for Rossouw unless he would make assurances that he wouldn't play himself in playoffs. Good captains know whether they should play or not.

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  28. I'm so glad that I suck and am stuck at 3.5.

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    1. No drama at 3.5? Haven't heard many people glad they suck.

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    2. No play 3.5 to win.

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    3. There's no play to win on your team because you suck

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  29. This is easily the best post yet. Finally a reason to read the blog and what do we get Kelly talk. Come on guys and girls, comment on why you think your pimp is better than these pimps. We know you Lady pimps have something to say. I like Dolemite.

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  30. The blog has officially defiled itself. Or rather, defiled by its contributors, and I use that term loosely.

    How and why do grown men act like this?

    Your wives and kids should be ashamed.

    Tennis is a game that we play. We pay to play in these leagues. We pay for our USTA membership on top of that. If we are ao lucky as to get to Sectionals or Nationals, you are mostly paying your own way.

    If you win....you get a 8" tall glass trophy and a picture on the DTA Facebook page for a few days. Yay. Congrats. If that's what justifies acting like an asshole, well then so be it, I guess.

    I guess we can always hope we will be rembered for that trip to league tennis nationals when we die. Because THAT'S what life is all about.

    Oh, wait...

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    1. Thanks for your input Mr. Buzzkill. I bet you are a load of fun.

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    2. I'm totally fun. I just think all these grown men acting like kids about tennis is, well, a little sad.

      Seriously. I'm more fun than most. Totally fun. More fun than the flu or a stomach virus.

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    3. I'm not sure you are really that much fun. Maybe the flu but not a stomach virus.

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    4. You got an 8" glass trophy? I got something resembling a purse.

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    5. Nothing too good from your DTA

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  31. Maybe not. But I am definitely more fun than Marc Ruosssooowoowow and/or Mike Kellllllyeeyeey.

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    1. Probably. But who isn't? Maybe our Exec Director if DTA.

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  32. Question for all you Dallas tennis players to ponder. I was watching the Tennis channel and the pairing A.Grymalska/C.Shakovets def N. Melichar/N.Slater 4-6, 6-4, 10-0. If you win or get beat 10-0 in a third set tiebreaker, is that a golden set? I've never seen anybody get beat 10-0 in a TB and really hard to imagine 10-0 in doubles.

    Just a curiosity question.

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    1. One set, won every point, that's a golden set

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    2. Yeah, I guess it is a golden set. Hard to imagine it happening in doubles. You would think at least one partner would hit a big serve or a great return. At the pro level is amazing.

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  33. I'm not going to pretend that I understand half of what this Murray Langston character blogs about, but he is without a doubt the zaniest and most prolific contibutor this site has ever had. I hope he doesn't flame out at a young age like a of lot of these creative types do, or worse yet, get writer's block.

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    1. I have to wonder if Murray knows drugs are dangerous. They appear to give him a lot of flashbacks to the 70s.

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    2. Murray's intitals are eerily similar to MK. I don't believe in coincidences.

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    3. I looked for a Murray Langston in Tennislink and couldn' t find one.

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    4. It's not a flash back. Murray just stays on the pipe

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    5. Well, I was just listening to my favorite music. Go Ask Alice and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

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    6. Is that a paper bag with eye and nose holes over the thing in Murray's avatar? Must be a Cowboys fan.

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  34. Bob here, i want to put out a challenge match!!!
    Hai Nguyen vs Marc Ruosoow in singles at line 1.
    Pickett team vs ruossow this sat at 2pm.
    Hai has accepted this.
    Marc, do you accept??

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    1. This is pretty even and lots of money on this game!! If u're à gambler or like to see an interesting match come on out to watch. Thats if marc agréés.
      I've has spoken to Joel and he will put hai at line 1 singles. Ball is in ur court Marc, what do you say?!!
      -bob

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    2. Why not captain vs captain at line 1 singles??

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  35. Been at work all day and got a couple of texts to read this. Damn that Dolly Parton bit could have been missed but thisis the funniest thing ever in this blog.

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  36. I like it JOEL VS MARC , let the CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH BEGIN!!!

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  37. What celebrity is Marc??

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    1. Hervé Villechaize? They both talk bigger than they are and I think both are French.

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    2. Durrville Martin as Willie Green?

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  38. da plane boss da plane

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    1. Dolemite versus Tattoo? Is that even fair?

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    2. Rossouw is a better tennis player than Pickett but in a fist fight cage match. I like Pickett in that one.

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    3. Rossouw is French. Wouldn't he give up before it starts?

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  39. Well, somebody told me I needed to check out the blog and it was well worth it. For me and my 'stable', we'd like to thank the Academy and say that it's just an honor to be nominated with this group of pimps, blah, blah, blah...cue music. I'm not a big blog follower but this is pretty funny stuff. Never been quite the clothes horse that Willy D seems to be but if anyone knows where I can pick up that fur hat let me know.
    Kudos to all the other 2013 pimps and good luck finding the Playa's Ball in 2014. Is this really fair since Pickett is probably the only one who could actually pull of the pimp look?
    Clark

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    1. Pimpdaddy.com has the he gear you are seeking.

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    2. Pimphats.com has options for you. That one may be a Willie Dynamite special.

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  40. Funniest thing of all was the write up about Wiley's 4.0 team, saying that based on the team picture "they are the fattest hoes" and play out of an athletic club. Now that is some funny stuff! You guys would get my vote in the 250 lbs and over division.

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    1. I don't know, that little Asian one crouching in the front is the one from Full Metal Jacket saying "Me So Horny, Me love you long time."

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    2. TQ was actually lucky they took the picture in the morning. About an hour later the fitness crowd bbq'd him for lunch.

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    3. There wasn't even enough meat to satisfy that group.

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  41. Seriously, who on Wiley's team was over 250? My guess is they average about 220 (including TQ)

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  42. Seriously? Look at the picture! Not only are they all at least 240 but the average height is about 5 foot 4in. Definitly midget division winners at nationals!

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  43. My guess at 240+ are: Glasgow, Bennett, Hutchison. But they are not short.

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  44. Bet Wiley and Arcaria are over 200 and they aren't tall.

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  45. Nice to adhere to the if you have nothing to say it needs not be said theory.

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  46. http://profibettor.com place where you can make money from real professional sport bets

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