Wednesday, February 19, 2014

THE LORD OF THE RATINGS – THE RETURN OF THE KELLY CASTING CALL FOR DTA PRODUCTIONS



DTA Productions and Brookhaven Community Theater are having an open casting call for the DTA’s latest fund raiser, a modern interpretation of the beloved tale of good versus evil entitled The Return of the Kelly.

As we join the action, the last remaining stronghold of men at Minis Tirith (SpringPark) is under siege by the Orc armies created by Sauroman (Rossouw) with his massive 50 Orc rosters.  Sauron (you know who you are), in his lair in Mordoor (Canyon Creek), is on the verge of dominating middle earth and, possibly, finally making a serious run at sectionals.  The rating to rule all ratings is now within his grasp with Aragorn bumped to 5.0.  Things look bleak for the band of weary travelers defending middle earth.  Aragorn (Kelly), Legolas (Pickett), Gandolf (Abreezeesee) and Gimli (any takers?) have been worn down by the constant trips to nationals and are in a weakened state as they rejoin the fight.

But the tide is beginning to turn, Canyon Creek, sorry, Mordoor, has unleashed the Nazgul and their leader, the Witch-King of Angmar (Reed), whom no man can slay.  But he is struck down by Eowyn (to be cast when Kelly picks his next mixed partner) and the forces of men are victorious.  Aragorn raises the racquet of Anduril and is finally acknowledged as the true heir to the throne Nationals.  But still burdened by the rating to rule all ratings, Aragorn must march on the very gates of Mordoor, defeat Sauron and destroy the rating to rule all ratings.  And who will carry the day for the once and future king of men’s, mixed, combo, tri-level, 40s, etc…?

Behold, two halflings with hairy feet have walked all the way from the shire in New York and have found the fires of Mount Doom.  At last, with a clarity that comes from not having been personally beaten by the forces of Aragorn at every USTA event ever created, the New Yorkers destroy the rating to rule all ratings, bump Aragorn back to 4.5A, and the forces of Mordoor are swallowed into a deep abyss at the Canyon Creek bar.

After the production there will be a panel discussion entitled: Gollum or Smeagel: Which path will his precious DTA appointment lead Klamecki?

Anyone interested in trying out for a part can post their interest here or join the open casting call underway in all USTA Dallas leagues.  Legolas be interviewing anyone interested in the part of Arwen.

84 comments:

  1. This is the first funny stiff in a long time. Great work

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  2. Did some smoke some weed for breakfast or have magic mushrooms on their burger?

    My head is spinning trying to follow all of these weird named characters.

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  3. Like it or not. Kelly is the roger Federer of Dallas, if not Texas, tennis. A whole blog heading attributed to him. Funniest damn thing ever written. This guy can sure make some headlines. Haters will definitely come out of the woodwork now. Pickett is Bill Belichik and Brady is Kelly.

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  4. He can anybody defend Kelly? He is the biggest cheat in Dallas history.

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  5. When you have your own blog dedicated to you, YOU HAVE ARRIVED! Pickett has taken this guy to the top of the tennis mountain, Akan has kept him there. That trio is unsurpassed. HAIL TO ARAGON!

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  6. I can't stand this guy but he definitely a 'baller! You may have someone come along who may win from time to time but this guy has dominated consistently for years. Only way another team wins if Pickett doesn't captain or Kelley doesn't play. Kinda like beating the Miami Heat without King James!

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  7. The satire is strong with this one.

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  8. Kelly does look like a bad ass with that sword.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe the sword will slip and chop his head off. DTA and Russouw hoping same.

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    2. Sword slips might hurt his foot.

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    3. Damn straight he looks bad ass, he has slain more Orcs than anyone in LOTR. The Orcs rose up and threw him out of the kingdom... For a short time.

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  9. Rumor is he and Donald young when he was in memphis last week played a best of 5 games w Kelly leading 2-1 when the rains came. Let's hope young was tanking.

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    1. Young should have been bumped down by now anyway

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    2. I heard Freeman cut Young from his 4.5 team. He thinks he can get him in on his 4.0 team.

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  10. True , young is a solid 6.0 at best.

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    1. I want my own blog! When that many people hate on you, you are doing something right.

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    2. Nobody hates a loser... Unless it is Kelly... Actually, he can't do right. If he wins , he is hated; if he loses , he is hated for tanking.

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    3. If people knew the time and effort he puts in the gym and on the court people might lighten up. Problem is most of his opponents are beaten before the first point is played.

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  11. I don't like curling. It looks to strenuous for me.

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  12. You people are sick treating Kelly and Pickett and Alan like gods??!!! I would rather be average than have to be the talk of every blog. Too many people want to heap praise on a guy that lucks out in damn near every match he plays. He has no net game, no weapon of a serve, basically lobs when in trouble and basically has the audacity to play serious about 25 percent of the time. As he ages he will become an average player at best. He will never make another nationals from here on out.

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    Replies
    1. As he ages? He already plays senior levels. My goal is to only play serious 25% of the time and still win.

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  13. I want to luck out in every match I play too.

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    Replies
    1. If you win nearly every match, it is surely pure luck.

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    2. People just don't know how to play him. He is very beatable if kept moving side to side. At 10 pounds heavier than last years 3 national runs he can't be moving as well. It is stupid to be lifting weights and playing tennis. He is not the smartest tool in the shed and one brick short of a load.

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  14. Good news is everyone is getting better while he is holding steady at best or beginning to tale off. I really don't see him making a statement any more.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, in another five years I'll be there

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  15. I love LOTR as much as anyone, and thanks for the theme and the post....just doesn't play well though if you has me. Kelley as Aragron, please, that would imply Kelly has some sort of character and morals, which he obviously does not. The constant posting about him on this blog really is the demise of any hope for relevant content ever being blogged about again. Also proves the point made in a previous thread by someone, that Kelley himself is likely doing most of the posting to to see his name over and over again. If I were to believe otherwise, that would mean I'd have to believe that all you grown men that have an interest in League tennis in Dallas, have nothing better to do than kiss his ass all day long, and surely that can't be the case.

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    1. Guess he wrote the thread too???? Great header and very entertaining . Without him there is no Dallas tennis talk. How many other teams he is not on advance to nats ? That would be zero

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    2. Thanks once again for your commentary Mike, go sell some cars.

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    3. He can't right now, is in Hawaii surfing and tennislink.

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  16. While this is all good and funny, can we ever get back to a time that we can discuss local tennis. 40s season is wrapping up and 18s rosters are starting to fill out.

    In 4.5, it appears to be Lakes and Greenhill in Flight A. If they ever actually play each other it might get decided. Also, what does happen to the CC team that decided to quit? The Lakes and Greenhill look to be headed to the post season.

    In Flight B, it is a 3 team race. Brookhaven is undefeated but still have tough rematches with Greenhill and TBar. TBar and Greenhill still need to play their first match. Way too difficult to determine the playoff participants in this flight.

    In 4.0, Flight A has Greenhill pretty much locked up one playoff spot. This weekend's match between Brookhaven and McKinney will determine the other. I like Brookhaven to win this.

    In Flight B, High Point looks to pretty much have one spot locked up. Canyon Creek or TBar are still fighting for the other. Canyon Creek still has a tough match against Brookhaven and High Point. Too early to call for the other playoff spot.

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    1. What about 3.5?

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    2. The real matches are Greenhill/Alzuro versus Stonebriar/Dickey. This all important Clash of the Titans will determine last place.

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  17. This is the worst thread I have ever seen on the blog. You just lost yourself another "listener" (reader)!

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  18. Glad to see you got it

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    1. For every person lost is ten gained. The blog was a joke before all the Kelley haters. People from other cities actually talking about Dallas tennis blog, even was mentioned in an article in the Dallas observer. Btw, Brookhaven college actually getting some airtime. Gotta luv it!

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  19. I am with el centro production college and definitely would be interested in producing this play at the next DTA meeting if interested. Please call ECPC for auditions.

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  20. Interesting 4.0 matches this weekend. Both Brookhaven teams are in elimination matches. And both lose to bow out of the running for the playoffs.

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    Replies
    1. Tarangioli will beat Peterson. Bartlett is on life support.

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    2. Bartlett is officially out of his misery.

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    3. He went out with a whimper and a soft lineup

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  21. Peterson will win 3-2.
    Tbar will come in second in their flight.

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  22. Will the courts be playing fast or slow for that match? Does Peterson get his guys out for an early warmup.? Now this is interesting blogging.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for making it better.

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  23. Huge Mixed match today against Springpark and canyon creek. I freakin hope Kelly loses to CC!!! I would love it.

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    Replies
    1. That's gonna be hard since he doesn't play for either team

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    2. Well, all the haters said anyone can win w Alan's ladies. Looks like Springpark in fourth place without him and the lady he played withslats year is losing her matches. Guess that blows that theory.

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    3. That is a coincidence sp is having an off year.

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    4. Rumor is Alan knows Kelly's skills are deteriorating so he got other players to play for him.

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    5. They had a falling out

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  24. Again, Kelly is not that good. Anyone wins with the 3.5 women that Allan has gotten rated 3.5. Quit given this Kelley clown any credit!

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    Replies
    1. Kelly is only good on slow courts.

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  25. Coe on captains, get your make ups done. The weather has been pretty nice for a couple of weeks. Are you waiting for the weather to get bad again?

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  26. As much as I hate to admit it looks like Kelley makes a huge impact when he is not playing. I wonder why Alan didn't want him? Never heard Kelly say anything bad about Alan at all.

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  27. Alan said all the trips to nationals were bankrupting him so he left him off the team.

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  28. CC eliminated BH. We'll see if Peterson was able to do the same. Of course CC still has to win next week to make the playoffs.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, time to put Hookhaven in their place.

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  29. Canyon creek rules! We also beat SP in mixed! What a weekend!

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    1. Don't you still need to beat HP to make the playoffs? I don't care but I think HP will win this.

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    2. To 7:14 poster,

      CC beat Springpark w out Kelly and Alan. Not exactly the same SP team. I am sure CC acted w their usual class and dignity.

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    3. I am sure that was actually posted by someone from CC..

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  30. I would not be surprised if HP just mails it in. It's better to let the #6 seed (CC) into City's then having to play #3 seed TBar again. It looks like McKinney did the same with the #5 seed GH. Those two teams have controled their flights all season.

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    1. Good point. After sweeping TBar 5-0 I'm sure HP wouldn't want to face them again. Why not beat CC and get to sweep T bar again?

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    2. I don't see Wiley mailing it in. It is not in his nature.

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    3. Wiley tanking is not in his nature? Not Kelly but close.

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    4. Difference is Kelly can still dominate a match even when disinterested, Wiley cannot.

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    5. Look at TBar's individual wins, sets won, etc., then look at who TBar had available in the 0 - 5 list to Wiley (not exactly their best lineup). I''d say Wiley would prefer to see TBar in the playoffs than they would CC, so they will bring everything they can this weekend, especially with TBar's smaller roster...would be tough for them in the 3 match round robin.

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  31. Wiley will do what it takes to keep CC out of the play-offs.

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    1. Wiley and Clark will be too busy resting up for their 7.0 Mixed match. Tough work dominating those 3.0 girls...

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  32. Kelley at la fitness this morning working w a trainer and a medicine ball. What an idiot. Weights and tennis not a good mix.

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    1. Who gives a damn. Post relevant info. He is not even playing men's league since last fall. If it has something to do about tennis post it, if not shut the hell up.

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  33. Just saw Mike Kelly at Petland, volunteering his time to pet, cuddle with, and walk the puppies. Ironically, he is a strong advocate against puppy mills, so this is very strange. I think maybe he's playing both sides of the fence to gain some advantage. But can't figure it out yet. More info to follow.

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  34. Since when is he against puppy mills?

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    1. You cannot even fathom the depth and character of Mike Kelly. Maybe you should take some time and get to know the man, the legend, the humanitarian, the puppy cuddler, that is Mike Kelly.

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  35. Mike Kelly gave $100 grand to Texas tech tennis facility. He may be an idiot but he is not selfish.

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    1. He gave them a candy bar?

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    2. No wonder Alan had to fund his trips to sectionals and nationals. He also recently donated $1000 to the SPCA because those commercials with the sad animals made him cry. And when Mike Kelly cries, his tears freeze on his face and form icicles under his chin because of the ice water in his veins. He's a cold blooded tennis assassin (emphasis on ass).

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  36. Wiley plays himself at line 1 singles.... child please! And some of you think he is not tanking!!!

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    1. Wouldn't he play at line 3 doubles or at least line 2 singles? For such a master tanker, he sure must be stupid.

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    2. I've met Wiley, he isn't the brightest bulb..

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  37. Any idea why Greenhill/Alzuro has three matches not posted?

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  38. So did the CC 4.5 team get dq'd?

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